Pickanick Pranxster

Hello again!



To my teeming throng of fans, I would like to say thank you-to all four of you. Thanks for taking this blog out of the abyss of obscurity. Unfortunately, one of those loyal readers is a paranoid schyzophrenic, so do I count her as two readers? Or just one? Maybe I should find out if both of her like the blog first. Or maybe, since she has been ruled by the court as unfit to stand trial, I should just delete her from the pfan list all together and leave the current count at 3.



Oh well, onward and upward to today's topic. Evil. Not just any evil, I'm talkin' realllllllllyyyyyyyy evvvvvvvviiiiiiiilllllllll!!!



Have you ever felt compelled for some unknown reason to just do sumpin totally out of character and down right mean?? No? Umm, yeah sure, ok, me neither.



Let's just talk about cute cuddly things, like BABIES... everybody loves babies, right? They are sticky, and smelly and loud, and wet and all kinds of pfun at parties. Have you ever seen a baby do a kegstand? That's some wild shit.



But as cute as they are, you must admit that babies are an eaaaazzzy target for evil. Like shooting fish in a barrel. I've got nothing against babies, -really; but sometimes they are just askin' for it, so your primitive, lower brain must comply.



Have you ever been at a big picnic? With dozens of people, lots of food, music, brewskis in buckets of ice? Yeah, great place to be.



So there you are, at the picnic, minding your own business. You're just people watching and somebody leaves her baby in it's stroller right next to you. I mean, c'mon, you look like a responsible adult, why wouldn't she just strand her baby with you while she goes in search of a chromosome to complete her next unplanned pregnancy?



Then, guess what? The baby starts to cry, wail, - scream even. Jeez, thanks a lot lady. If you are a woman, especially a mom, your first instinct is naturally to pick up the stinky, wet, loud quivering mass of baby and comfort it. But, you've already got a few beers in you, so your protective impulses have been dulled. You start looking around for help, any kind of help.



Your eyes are drawn to a bottle of ketchup on the picnic table. Suddenly, a strange feeling overwhelms you and a manical grinch-like grin starts to slowly spread across your face. Pretty soon, you'll look like Mr. Sardonicus. Your eyes dart back and forth between the baby and the ketchup bottle. Back and forth, back and forth. Your mind is playing a twisted game of ping-pong with both sides of your conscience.



Should you pick up the cute and cuddly baby? Or should you squirt it in the face with the ketchup and laugh-laugh really hard? If you think about it, if you simply handed the bottle of ketchup to the baby, he would eventually squirt himself in the face with it anyway, so what's the harm? As long as it's not a glass bottle, cuz that would be dangerous.



I guess, since I'm not really an evil-doer, here's what I'd do. I'd get myself another beer, pick up and comfort the baby and just THINK about squirting him in the face with the ketchup.



What would you do? Comments please...........